Thursday, November 28, 2013
After I was told you would die, I wanted to be with you every second. It couldn't be, I had school and classes in the afternoon, but I do know I did what I could, I even took you out in your bed, I know there's a picture, I'll find it and ad it. We went to a dinner at a neighbors house, and even if the dad hated animals, I don't know if it was mom or dad, but he let you in, you couldn't walk anyway. Soo it was you and me baby, every day.
Trying to smile as the days go by, gets harder every time. The choices I've made get tangled in my head, and gets me wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It's a battle between what I like and what I want to do, and what I don't want to do. Starting up again seems the only way, but the sane part of me makes me stop. I don't want to hurt, I don't want to hurt myself, but it's getting harder not to. I've given myself 10 to 15 years, I can't go before, I love them too much, I won't quit on them, I won't let them alone. I know I need help, but I'm tired, it's been more than 10 years...I know what I need to do, I'm just too tired, I'm sick of it all. And my head won't leave me alone, won't even go to sleep. The saddest part is I've asked for help, and no one seems to care, help just doesn't come, sleep doesn't come, rest doesn't come.